1 Dead Frog and the Power of Your Peer Group
This is a guest post from my mate Adam Toohey who is a Personal Trainer in Toronto and a ripping bloke overall (I’m practicing my Aussie words) Take it away Adam…
Hey guys and gals; let me start by offering you an insight -
“Most people’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group”- Tony Robbins
What does that mean?
Before I go there let me ask you a question.
Who is your immediate Peer Group made up of?
Who do you spend most of your time with?
If you were to ask me that question I would tell you my girlfriend Andrea and her family (at least in person) is the peer group I am in most contact with on a daily basis.
It is my guess that for most of you it is the same not including the time you spend with your clients and/or work colleges.
Your real peer group is the people who not only you spend a bunch of your time with, but whose opinion and feelings you care about the most; the people that if you stuff up, or fail to achieve something, or have an argument with that will undoubtedly give you the most grief.
The people that you will travel with, eat with, laugh with and cry with.
These are the people that make up our immediate peer group and they almost always have the greatest influence on us and on almost every aspect of our lives.
We all know Bedros’ story… and if you don’t just picture a guy living out of his car and surviving on Tuna and Diet Coke shakes on a regular basis.
This bloke has done it tough, no doubt about it.
Maybe you are doing it tough right now?
Maybe you have to be up at 3am to catch the night bus part of the way to your camp to then have to walk an additional 40 minutes to get there. With snowstorms around the corner this might be considered doing it tough.
Maybe that’s not you but you are having your fair share of challenges getting your fitness business to the level we have all heard about and seen. We hear the stories each and every day from the best in the business. Yet for some it seems so far off in the distance that it’s incredibly daunting and almost bloody impossible.
Now that may be the case, but let me ask you this; what are Your Expectations for yourself, your life and your business? Are they high enough to soar like an Eagle, or are they just average?
By the way, someone who is switched on will be able to tell just by listening to you talk about these things.
Here’s another question; what are the Expectations of your Peer Group for their lives and business BUT more importantly, what are their expectations of you?
You see, if the expectations you hold for your life and your business FAR EXCEED the expectations of those directly around you, you will have an uphill battle and you will have to bust your ass to make it happen.
How can you tell if those people have lower expectations?
They’ll say things like…
“Hey come on stop working all the time, don’t be so serious” or
“You don’t need to make that call, do it tomorrow” or
“You have been at this Bootcamp thing for 5 months now and it just isn’t happening, maybe it’s time to go get a real job” …
Or perhaps you have encountered your own versions of this from your people.
You see the same thing from clients don’t you? When they put up a whole bunch of reasons (excuses) as to why they are the way they are, or why they have yet to succeed in maintaining a healthy, fit body.
You will also see their friends more often than not are egging them on to go out for drinks, or the pasta bar, or pizza on the weekend or a BIG night on the town… and sometimes they will be really good and avoid all of that. The truth is, eventually it will get to them and bring them back to the same spot they started at.
What is really going on here is their peer group becomes scared of what their friend’s growth and personal development will mean for them. They could get left behind which could mean the loss of a friend and the loss of love. Something we all fear at some level.
The same thing is happening to you IF the people that make up your peer group are constantly trying to bring you back to their level.
Does it mean they don’t love you?
Not at all, it just means that they are scared and unsure (and we all know about Fear and Doubt)
So what can you do?
Well if they are your family chances are you can’t get rid of them. If they are your “friends” then perhaps you can find yourself some new friends to hang with.
The other option is to Lead and Be an Example to all of them. Truly set the standard for what is possible in your life and business and measure what you can do based on what you can do, not what others can do. If you’re always measuring against someone else you will only push yourself so far.
Set the standard so that you are doing more than anyone else could possibly expect. This is what made guys like Michael Jordan THE very best. He wasn’t competing with someone else; he was competing with what his absolute best could be and for that there is no limit.
And did you see how through Jordan’s level of standard and determination and passion he was able to bring his team up to a level they probably never would have played at if not for his leadership and example?
Your Persistence and Determination to make it happen will ultimately bring you the success you desire.
People will criticize you and they will try and bring you down; try to make you quit when they see something as impossible. They may even shout at you to just give up and be done with it. It is your responsibility to yourself NOT to listen to them. In fact, if you try hard enough and stay totally focused on the prize, you may not even hear their cries.
Allow me to share with you a story…
A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.
The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.
The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.
When he got out, the other frogs said, “Did you not hear us?” The frog explained to them that he was near deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
Adam Toohey is a Certified NLP Practitioner and owner/operator of a Toronto Fit Body Bootcamp
Comments on 1 Dead Frog and the Power of Your Peer Group »
Pete Tansley @ 2:41 pm
Adam, Awesome post mate! It’s amazing the change in mind set when you start hanging around other big-thinkers and “yes” people
Pete from Aus
Monty @ 3:55 pm
Adam-
Great post and very timely for me! Thanks for laying out truth and encouraging focus, the right mindset and the necessity of taking control over our thoughts and associations.
Monty
Hey Pete,
spot on with that mate… pretty simple really.. I remember as a kid playing pool with my dad and he would always dominate… but I kept goin at it til finally I was kickin his butt.. and loving it lol.. same goes for hangin out with the people that are at a level you are striving for.. you learn and grow just by being connected with them and from what I have found they are always willing to give cuz they have been in your spot and remember what it’s like.. there may be a few that don’t.. but again it’s like the frogs.. play deaf and go find others that will inspire you..
cheers
Monty,
No worries mate… totally cool that you can take some real value from it. Use it to grow and better yourself and you biz and keep up that momentum… Thanks for the good words.
All the best
AT
Carrie K @ 7:07 am
So true! We are surrounded by negative people every day. I too, choice to play deaf! Great post!!!!
Big J @ 7:12 am
Thanks so much man, I needed that. Perfect way to start a day.
John Thompson @ 7:25 am
Nice post Adam- I’m going to use the Frog tactic on my clients.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Jones, I’m nearly deaf, I thought you were begging for more. You can stop doing pushups now”
Belton Lubas @ 8:07 am
Great job Adam….as usual! Keep it up man and catch ya later soon I hope!
Carrie.. great choice to make
Big J .. anytime mate. Glad it gave you a great start.
Cheers
John.. That’s a great idea!
I ususally just laugh at them LOL…
Belton.. dude totally looking forward to hangin with you soon man.. take it EZ
AT
justin blum @ 2:49 pm
Adam,
Love the post mate. I cannot tell you how much I second this mindset you are speaking about. Its as brilliant as robert kiosakis rate race perspective. do not fall into what the general public or’society’ says or expects is the correct way to live your life because thats how life is! life is exactly what you make it no matter what cards your dealt. perfect example is bedros ( amen).. in a game of spades he had 4 hearts and a diamond ( not to mention a pick up and some tuna) now as one of the greatest fitness marketing minds around, he picks his cards for himself and his family. If evryone learns to live by this mindset of live life the way you want to live it and not as others expect you to live it, there is no way success will not be accomplished
JB
Kat Millar @ 4:26 pm
I absolutely love this post!
Could I please share it on my blog if I link it back to the appropriate places?
Justin..
Thanks for the good words mate. You got it 100% right in terms of mindset and our man BK.. and the thing is we have the choice to live with this mindset, or live without it. to play deaf or to listen and let it affect your life.. make the choice that will empower you and have you live an awesome quality of life..
cheers mate
Hey Kat,
I’d say go for it … better check with our man Bedros for the final word tho given it be his blog.
Awesome you took some great value from it.. I loved writing it
Cheers
Adam
Adam you are so on point. I love your mindset and glad to call you my mastermind buddy and friend.
Thanks for this post. I am starting to get into the mindset stuff even more.
Most trainers don’t realize the importance of mindset.
But Alwyn Cosgrove said it best when it comes to fat loss you must address the psychology before you address the physiology.
Keep spreading this GREAT and VALUABLE info Adam.
THe generosity you spread out will come back with good vibes and hit you upside the head like a boomerang (that was not meant to be an aussie joke : )
keep keepin in real man
thanks again
Temecula Personal Trainer @ 9:42 pm
Great post. Peer pressure has a great affect on actions. It’s important to have positive peers and not negative ones.
Hey Nii..
Diggin your love for the mindset stuff mate.. always a pleasure to link up and mastermind with you. We all get it done faster with the right people around us because we coach and support each other.. captain obvious I know but it’s so true
Alwyn is SPOT ON with that… you gotta realise FIRST that you get the mind right
Will keep spreadin the love dude.. Peace
Hey Ed,
spot on mate.. bit like your clients at times… have worked with some who just refused to give up going out and getting wasted then would sulk about their fat loss goals.. subsequently I let them go and let them know when they are serious to come see me.. not easy to do.. especially if we’re talking about friends who may have been long time friends…
thanks for the comment mate
Cheers
AT
Jonathan Lerner @ 6:44 pm
Adam,
Wicked post yet again. You always find a great way to turn your posts into stories and and make them both enjoyable to read and easy to remember.
I’ve struggled with trying to lessen my time around my peer group and it definitely is an uphill battle most of the time.
I find I always look back to my ‘mission’ or why I’m doing what I’m doing. If you don’t have a strong reason why your doing something you can’t stick to it. You don’t have the passion behind it if you don’t have that why.
Sit down and really strongly think about why you are training people, running a boot camp etc. Go deep and once you find that reason why, the true reason, nobody can keep you down.
Hey Jonathan
Great to hear from you mate, thanks for the comment.
Some great tips there too… you really need to come up with as many reasons as possible.. reasons that compell you to do what you do.. they give you purpose and that in turn provides the drive you need to stick fat and work through the challenges
Cheers Jonathan
AT
Jonathan Lerner @ 12:06 pm
I just used the idea of this post as a theme in my boot camp and it went extremely well.
During the warm up I gave them a little hint about what the theme was about, ’1 dead frog’ and really got their curiousity spiked. Everyone was trying to think what the heck I was talking about. Gave a couple more hints to get them more confused and then right before the real workout started I told everyone the story about the frogs and then related it back to their peer group.
It went really well and then after the workout everyone was talking about it and giving their ideas on it. And then to top it off the next day my theme was influence and I gave them ‘homework’ to exert some of their influence on their friends and family to get them on track.
Results = 2 new clients starting the 21 day fat loss program 2 days later!
Hey Jonathan..
CRIKEY SON!!!
That’s Awesome!
Love hearin those kinda stories. Thanks for putting it up here too man. Great to see someone taking action right away and making it work. Then again we always knew that about you … al That Big Bag O Cash LOL.. Cheers mate
AT
Brien Shamp @ 2:47 pm
Thank you for the post. It is definitely easier to give up when times are rough, but I realize that there is something to be learned from each experience… good or bad.
Brien
http://www.optimalfitnesslifestyle.com
Coach Davis @ 8:20 am
Very good Tooey! Very inspirational writing for a guy like me, thanks dude!
Hey Brien..
I learned that a long time ago mate and it has always served me well.. keep it up
Davis!! Haha.. thanks for the comment dude. Glad you got some value for sure.
AT