When Bad Things Happen to Good Trainers

Bedros, you are too, too, too funny LOL You had me laughing really, really hard with this. Sorry, but i’ll have to share with my trainer friends as well. the funniest part is ~ I so totally visualized the whole thing and your face of doing faces and the gagging, etc…. Too funny ~ thanks for the laugh.
MB

All I have to say is; ”LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”

OMG, FUNNIEST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD!! I HOPE SOMETHING LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I’M TRAINING A CLIENT!! (The SHARTING STORY, THAT IS) EWWWWW!

AND ABOUT THE HEAD TRAINER STORY’ IT SUCKS WHEN YOU HAVE TO FIRE PEOPLE YOU THOUGHT YOU CAN TRUST! REALLY SUCKS!

I had a real fat and unmotivated client when I first started 12 years ago Bedros - o boy

3 quick ones

1 - she was warming up on the treadmill with a funny looking mouth and asked if she was ok - no…she said I have to go to the dentist after you I cracked my tooth last night

im sorry i said - how did you crack it? was it a cap or something? no - i cracked it on a rib!

can you imagine how I wanted to laugh when my very overweight client who was not giving me her food journal said this to me - too funny - overweight, unmotivated and with cracked tooth

2. same client - stretching the hamstring on the floor…as I go into my final deep hamstring stretch she must have known a huge fart was coming so in an attempt to cover the very large fart coming, she slams her hand down on the floor pretending that the stretch was too much…i ignored it but was suffered permanent trauma on the one - no more stretching people - do it yourself! lol

3. same client - a buzz at the lobby from my doorman who wanted to let me know that a gift was downstairs for me. It was a real fattening dish that had cream cheese filled inside of this ball that was fried. funny part was when i opened it, there was a cream cheese streak up the box indicating that she ate a few in the car before giving it to me. guess she skipped that mid morning yogurt - lol

I was training a husband and wife for about 8 months, suddenly the husband didn’t seem very comfortable with me training his wife.

Come to find out, his wife was having dreams about me and saying my name at night. I brushed it off like it never happened. Until later the wife started texting me inappropriately and the husband saw those as well. He called me accusing me of hooking up with his wife and threatened to have me fired (and killed). I stupidly, decided I would try and save their marriage, and acted as if she didn’t do anything wrong, which in turn, made everything look like my fault. I then preceded to tell him I was being immature and would stop training his wife for good.

Not that cool of a story, but this was definitely the turning point in my training career that finally convinced me to leave the corporate gym forever. Due to the fact that the “Big Bosses” didn’t believe me that I didn’t do anything wrong, and from then on left me with a bad rep.

I also once had a client that said he was going to the bathroom to throw up during one of our training sessions, and I never saw him again. Weird.

Bedros that was funny and sick but mostly funny!

I had this client who never washed his workout shorts an shirt. He’d just pull it out of his gym bag and it stunk so bad.

One day I mentioned to him how bad his cloths smelled and he totally freaked out on me. The guy went off the deep end.

Never saw him after that. I think he felt really bad.

Not as good as your stories, but I have 2 quick ones:

1 that I’m sure has happened to most, so not too impressive, but here it is anyways: holding a girl’s feet for some situps on our 1st workout (aka the ‘free’ trial session) only to have her rip one right in my face. The shocked look on her face was priceless as you could tell she was so embarrassed and the only words she could mutter was: “Oh my god!!” and continued on with her sit ups. Believe it or not I’ve never seen her again.

The other one a little more rare: I had a client doing bent over rows. No big deal, well except for the fact that she had just gone to the dentist and failed to tell me. Even if she had told me I don’t think this is supposed to happen; but sure enough in mid-row her molar falls out onto the floor!! I was a deer in headlights. She bends over picks it up and says dammit before storming out the door; to the dentist I presumed. Turns out they didn’t secure her cap properly!! I thought for a second I was somehow responsible? Anyways, I’m sure most have had weirder…

Mine is a little more scary than funny…though many had a good laugh at my expense. When I trained clients at my old health club gym I would always carry their program around on an old style wooden clip board with the metal on the top. My client was just about to do DB chest press on a stability ball. So I decided to drop my clipboard down and go grab the weights for her so I could hand them to her. I guess I threw my clipboard down a little to hard because somehow it bounced off the stability ball and shot back up and the medal point nailed me in the face. It literally sliced the side of my nose about an inch from my right eye. When it happened I heard a pop. I put my hands to my face and then looked at them at they were covered with blood. I had blood on my shirt, pants and on the floor. I ran to the bathroom and stopped the bleeding and noticed a nice half inch deep cut and small flab of skin hanging off my nose. I ended up getting it glued and now is a very tiny scar almost undetectable. if I tried to do it again on purpose I do no think I could. I’m 6’6 and almost lost my eye to a clipboard shooting up at my eye off a stability ball. Ever since then I do no use a wooden clip board. They are dangerous let this be a warning too you!

My first job was a trainer in a new gym. 20000 sq ft, 2000 members. Fairly typical located in a v shaped strip mall. On my floor-front desk shift a lady stormed in already beat red. Making a bee line to me she screamed out ” I demand to talk to the owner RIGHT now! “.

As he was in the back giving a massage ( he was a therapeutic massage guy), I attempted to calm her down but she blew me off swearing. “this is total bulls&$t, I pay my fees and this is the second time this week with no damn spots to park. I had to park clear all the way down on the end. And I’m pissed.”

finally I convinced her the owner will be right out after his appointment. “fine , she said , tell him to come see me. I’ll be on the treadmill for the next 30 minutes.”

Ain’t nuttin but a Ding Dong

in my early days I trained a football team. One guy was a defensive end who needed to lose a few pounds of fat to be more athletic. I drew up a plan which stated ” eat 200 grams of protein every day - this is most important”

Well 2 weeks later he had gained weight. Frustrated I walked with him out to his car after a session… 200 grams Check, workouts Check. What the he’ll?(remember I’m a bit of a rookie then). In the back of his car seat I see about 3 boxes of DingDongs. I ask “what you eating dingdongs all day?”

he says. “well yeah. They have like 3 grams of protein each so I have to eat a bunch to even get close to 200″

Man I thought I was the only one who would have any crazy stories to tell and BOY do I have quite a few that I am not so sure I should share, but hey what the heck, I’m changing the names to protect the guilty.

1.) I used to do a lot of in home training. After working with this one female client for almost a year one day she decides to answer the door in a rather inappropriate negligee/teddy robe thing. I gotta be honest, she was looking kinda hot and I was a bit shocked and taken quite by surprise but I maintained my composure and I think I just asked how long it would take her to get ready. She responded by dropping the little silk robe to the floor and telling me she was going to workout in her bra and panties. I do not think my critique was what she was expecting. I simply told her, “wow, you’re really starting to shape up, but now that I’ve seen everything I know EXACTLY what exercises we need to do to get you to the next level.” She grabbed up her robe and stormed out of the room. She came back in her workout outfit right about the time I thought I should leave but we finished the session and I pretended the disrobing never happened. I actually ended up training her for about 6 more months. She now comes to my boot camp so I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. Plus now she’s friends with my wife! lol….

2.) When I was training a female client at the gym; we were using the standing calf raise machine. This is one of the ones that is slanted and you face the pad. Well there were teeth marks on the pad. They had been there a long time and all of us trainers made jokes about them all the time and were quite used to them, but since it was her first time seeing the marks…in the middle of her set. I tried to explain, but she FREAKED and started crying and stopped in the middle of her set and fell to the floor sobbing. I had to assume that perhaps she had some sort of trauma in her life that she was reliving. I took her to the back office so that she could regain her composure in private. I did not train her at the gym again. It had been years since I spoke to her but when I started my boot camp up I got a hold of her and now she comes 3-4 days a week and has been for the last 6 months. WAY longer than I had been training her at the gym!

3.)I was training an older gentleman and had him on the floor doing reverse crunches. Each and EVERY time he pulled his knees to his chest he would let one rip!….Imagine a set of 50 reps! I’m NOT kidding! Now think 2 sets! Now think of a 6 month training package. I somehow think he got off on doing it!

4.) I once put an ad on Craigs list Advertising my services. I received a response with a phone number so I called and ended up doing a phone consult that lasted over two hours. She was VERY difficult on the phone so I just said no. Then she emailed me pictures of herself and explained that she was a nudist and did everything naked. So she wanted me to come to her place and train her in the nude. I wish I had not seen those pictures and still to this day my inner child has scars from those photos! Which begs the question, why are all the nudists I’ve met people I really do NOT want to see naked!

5.) I’ve also received an email inquiry from a GUY who wanted ME to come to his place and train him in the nude…. BOTH OF US….You ain’t got enough money bud…Sorry!

6.) Last one….I trained a rather famous musician for a while. Lets just say he was hell bent for leather. He offered to pay me extra if I would show up to our sessions dressed in leather…. Noooooo…Not even for extra…sorry….

7.) OK last one…I currently train a woman at my boot camp who is a professional dominatrix. Everyone in the camp knows this too. I think its funny as all hell. She makes her slave come to all the workouts and workout and PAY ME and she makes him carry her towel, get her water and put away her weights. I’m so amused by this that I just haven’t said a word about it. He never says anything expect, yes mam, and no mam.

LOL!!! Bedros you’re a GREAT story teller, it was like I was there with you guys. I am soooo happy I wasn’t. See you at the Fitness Summit.

Thanks Marion… @JJBrawley, you’ve got some zingers LOL.

I don’t know why, but I’m so fascinated about #7 the dominatrix (make a video of one of your camps for us

B

Bedros,

Too funny. I guess I have not been in the business long enough!

Thanks for the humor,

Brian

Insta-puker

I had a client that without warning would puke. He would tell me I’m not working him hard enough but puke during every session. When the puking occured, it was in his shirt in view of everyone working out or in his hands(which sprayed everywhere) on the cardio. He would be covered in puke and want to continue as if nothing happened. Needless to say, our training didn’t make it past 5 sessions before I said ENOUGH.

I want more stories! MOOOOAR. =O

Great story B. I think the more we accumulate years in the fitness business the more interesting stories we have to tell. I have several but here’s one.

1. Once upon a time, I had a representative from APEX telling us trainers in a seminar that eventually, we’ll be sued one day in our business.

Well, 4 years later, I had gone through the norms and given an assessment to an individual (lets call him Chris). Chris was cool and ended up to be one of my clients. On the first day of his appointment, Chris was cranking out my routine left and right, to the point where I thought I had to push it up a notch for him. I asked him, “are you ok” he replied “oh yeah.” So, after increasing the intensity, I noticed him being a little winded. I again checked his signs in which I was convinced to ask him, had he “eaten before our session.” “No” he said. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll finish up”

At this point I went to the fridge to grab a Gatorade just in case he needed some sugar. When I returned, he fainted. I sat him on the bench and started coaching him and asking questions. I literally saw his eyes roll in the back of his skull to the point where his pupils weren’t showing.

I could not stop thinking about that APEX trainer, and knew my career is over and I’m about to get f$5cked. He was talking jibberish. He had a sip of Gatorade. I was scared and embarrassed. I knew prospective clients would not deal with me after witnessing this occasion and afraid because his situation was so extreme. I decided to wait until the worst to call a doctor. A few minutes after drinking the Gatorade, he snapped out of it like nothing happened! It was like that scene in Pulp Fiction after the injection in the chest cavity Travolta gave. Afterward, he wanted more (of a workout) and I replied “go to hell.”

But, Chris has been with me almost one year after that experience and let me tell you, this dude is a beast. We often talk about that moment to this day which was jacked up for the both of us.

I needed that. Very funny!

I think that is super funny B!!! I was rollin laughing when i read the second one and i almost had my OJ i was drinking come through my nose LOL!!

I was at the gym with a friend of mine and was training him on the leg press ( the one that you lay your back at a slant and push the weight up).. anyways, i think he had never used alot of weight before and when he came down with the weight his shorts ripped down the ass as you let one of the nastiest farts rip SUPER LOUD. i was laughin at him so hard!!

I had a client who wouldnt do what i told her, but instead, paid me to watch her do what see wanted. She wanted to renew, and I politely said hell no.

i trained a woman with gold all over her wrists, fingers, and neck. she was overweight and obviously needed help. when i spoke to her, she told me about her mini heart attack and cholesterol problem. I trained her and she was out of breath after one set of over head presses… with no weight. She was sweating, trying to catch her breath. i told her i was going to help her.

i told her the price for training…. she gawked, and said she didnt want any help. poor lady.

Bedros,
From your stories and all the others too, it seems there is a fine line between comedy and tragedy, and sometimnes the scariest stuff turns out to be the funniest … after its over.

It was about the sixth session in the package my client bought and I had her doing exercises on the ground. She was married, mother of a few kids, and I’m a young guy, 23 at the time.

I said to her, “Six inches for 30 seconds.”

She said, “Why don’t I just lay here and you put six inches in me?”

I was cracking up, she wasn’t attractive but she was definitely a wiseass.

Great little story Bedros.

Clients sharting themselves is a first i have heard of.

Guess mine is when I was training a client on the hanstring curl machine, I was spotting the weight and I was directly above his buttocks and when he got to rep 6, he needed more abs and core. And then a ripper of a fart blew out of his a55 and it would have changed my hairstyle as well. It was ridiculously smelly as well and I puked in my mouth.

I charged him another $50 for that. He paid $100 to make me tell everyone it was actually me who farted not him cause he was so embarrassed. Not bad for a bit of costly flatulence.