How to Deal With Crabs and Haters and Vampires
This is the true story of my seven figure ah-ha moment that took place in Ketchikan, Alaska.
A few years back we took a family cruise to Alaska. If you’ve never been, I suggest that you make plans to visit. It’s an amazing part of the country that’s still untouched for the most part and a great place to connect with nature.
One of the ports that the ship stopped at was Ketchikan. My wife and I took a walk along the rocky coastline taking in the scenery and watching people fish for crabs off the rocks.
One fisherman had one of those white five gallon paint buckets sitting next to him. I was curious so I looked to see what was inside it.
What I saw was a bunch of live crabs at the bottom crawling on top of each other. One crab seemed very ambitious. He climbed on top of all the other crabs and then reached his leg for the lip of the bucket.
Once he hooked his leg on that bucket lip he began to pull himself up - clearly he was trying to make a break for it.
I let the fisherman know that he was about to be one crab less if he didn’t put a lid on that bucket and he just chuckled and said; “watch what happens next.”
Now what happened next was literally an epiphany for me. Right there I had my big ah-ha moment.
As this ambitious crab was hoisting himself up to make a run for freedom, several other crabs from the bottom methodically reached up, grabbed its remaining legs and pull him back down to the bottom.
Then the fisherman turned to me and said that crabs by nature self police each other and so a lid is never required on the bucket.
To me it wasn’t “self policing” - it was “forced suppression.”
Doesn’t this epitomize human behavior?
Think about that. We’re all surrounded by ‘crabs’ ‘haters’ and “vampires” who suck up your precious time and try to squash your ambitions, motivation, passion and enthusiasm.
Sometimes these crabs are those closest to you…or they could be people that you occasionally hang out with or people you work with, or even your significant other.
Fear is their greatest motivator.
Fear of losing you. Fear of change. Fear of being left behind.
They conceal their fears as genuine concern for you. They always have a reason to burst your bubble, to instill doubt inside you and get you to second guess yourself.
You know who these people are in your life.
You can feel the bad vibes coming off them after just a few minutes of being in the same room as them.
They’re creativity killers.
They’re time vampires.
They’re mojo killer.
Sound familiar?
After that trip to Alaska I came home and literally took a survey of everyone in my life. Then I cut out everyone who was poisonous to me.
I cut out some friends I knew from high school.
I cut out some business partners.
And I even seriously limited exposure to certain family members who (unfortunately) can’t be cut out permanently because - well, they’re family.
And the limited time I do spend with them at parties and family gatherings I make sure to keep my distance and limit my exposure.
If there was ever a single thing you needed to know. It would be to have the ability to identify the crabs in your life - the people, the thoughts and the ideas that hold you back from achieving your personal goals.
Maybe it’s even you…
Comments on How to Deal With Crabs and Haters and Vampires »
Sarah Rippel @ 7:40 pm
Years and years ago, one of my clients referred to these same types of people…she said it’s like they have a “hook”…and go around throwing it out trying to “hook” you because things are going so well in your life…and they are miserable.
Misery loves company! I know it b/c for years and years, I was miserable and negative and UGH!
It’s all about energy…you put out positive energy and it comes back to you tenfold.
Keep it up, Bedros…I like your way of doing things!
PS - that first picture is amazing! It doesn’t even look real, it’s so beautiful! I wanna visit!
Greg Justice @ 7:44 pm
Bedros,
Just a quick follow up on your Alaska comment…I lived in Anchorage for three years through high school and it truly is a destination that has something for everyone.
I’m glad you added that last sentence “Maybe it’s even you…”
I’ve talked with too many trainers that are looking to blame others for their lack of success…It’s always someone elses fault.
Yeah, I did the same thing a while ago.
Cut all of the negative people out of my life.
I was pretty lonely for a while, but it was more than worth it.
I create space for positive people to enter my life.
Feels good.
Have a safe trip.
-Misery Loves Company- « “Outside the Box” Training @ 7:50 pm
[...] by fitprosarah I wanted to share Bedros Keuilian’s most recent blog post with you, “How to Deal With Crabs, Haters, and Vampires.” Why? Because it is SO [...]
Michael Duivis @ 7:53 pm
So true, as Fitness entrepreneurs we are of a different breed than most. We may even differ from our own Family.
I kinda see it like “The highest tree catches the most wind”
Awesome post again Bedros - And yeah crabs are stupid
Donovan "DFitnessguy" Owens @ 8:20 pm
Oh yeah!!! This is for real right here.
It’s so important to be critical about your inner and outer circle. You get that gut feeling when you know that someone in your life is toxic. You can’t escape it.
If you try to escape that feeling then you are being weak because maybe you feel like you are dependant upon that person. Guess what…you’re not.
Listen to your gut about the people that are around you. Who’s secretly trying to control your situation? Who is wearing the constant disguise…but really there to get inside you like a worm with a never ending stomach.
Who the hell is it?
Identify them and get ‘em gone. After that spread your wings and do your damn thing.
Donovnan “DFitnessguy” Owens
I just cut out one of my former best friends. It sucks but he’s just doesn’t get it. My girlfriend just got it recently and cut out a LOT of her old friends. It only sucks temporarily, then you grow to become a better person. Great advice Bedros.
sooo true Bedros!I work at a gym in Montreal, called Monster Gym and my co-workers often try to make me feel as if I’m wasting my time training people, as if there is no future in it… I try to avoid talking to some of them when it comes to my personal training, but they somehow always seem to blur out these impolite and just thoughtless remarks!
I’m working on what I learned from your emails and videos. I one day hope to make it to one of your seminars! I’m also starting a whole new approach in my personal training, with group sessions at 15$ each, 3 times a week, 30-Day money back guarantee… cuz if it works in the USA, it should work here in Canada!
I just wish I heard about your newsletters and videos years ago! I just discovered you guys a couple of months ago!
anyways Bedros, keep up the great work!
Wishing you and your family the best in life!
Stay safe,
Eyad.
Chris Meredith @ 12:38 am
Not tryin to be like everyone else, but the concept in this post can have such a huge impact on your life in such a good way. I used to try to cut certain people outta my life by telling them I was moving on without them and then deleting their phone numbers. Then they’d call and I’d answer not knowing who it was and once I talked to them, I’d get remeniscent and there they were back in my life again up to the same old negative energy zap!
Now I keep the numbers in my phone marked “do not answer…EVER!” That way they don’t get the open window to sneak back in and hold me back.
Thanks for another great post!
Thanks for always keeping it positive, and real, Bedros, and Everyone else. My comment is a story too. This one is personal.
I had to fire a client that was madly in love with me. Woe! Easy money you might say… Yeah, it was…
But after two years of training her, and a couple of coffee dates, and one dinner, and firing her for continuing to flirt after she told me she’s getting married, I found out that she was married the whole time. I fell into a depression…
Woe! Talk about financially transmitted diseases…
Oh yeah, and never date any client, for any reason whatsoever. There’s the good advice. Tried and true.
wayne large exercise nutrition coach (UK) @ 4:20 am
I realized this a few years ago, where i live in the UK it is a small surfing town in the southwest of England, and personal training was still very young in the UK, but in a small town where i live it was non existent so people were telling me there is no business in personal training saying things like this is not London it will never catch on in this town. Now i could have believed these people because some were friends and family, but i it made me more determined to prove people wrong. I am the first person to open a personal training studio in my area and have a very successful business. It is really important to not just reflect on your business but also who you allow in to your business/life because for some it is easier for them to be ihaters or takers rather than workers or doers.
see you at FBS09
Wayne.
This is so true and something that most people allow to let happen to them almost on a daily basis. I have been speaking about this at seminars and lectures for years and here is the funny thing…there is always someone in the audience or crowd that gives me the “evil eye” when I say that certain people need to be cut out of your life. They look at me with contempt as if to say, “How dare you tell us to cut out some of our friends!” Interestingly, it looks like the person that is sitting directly next to them that is the one killing their dreams. Time has taught me, quite often it is. Watch out! Good word, Bedros!
Rick Gifford @ 7:52 am
Bedros that’s so right on. I just printed this post out and it will go on my frig as a daily reminder!
Thank you!
Trainer Fred @ 7:57 am
Great Post B
I will keep it short. I always let the Haters know,
“Don’t Hate, Participate”
and if not then get the f$$$ out of my life.
Take care
Temecula Personal Training @ 10:40 am
Bedros,
Great story. This will be a great presentation for most of my clients too, since they all seem to have friends and family that are always trying to derail their fitness efforts.
Amanda Vogel @ 11:37 am
I understand the sentiments here, but as a fitness journalist, I get the urge to dig deeper.
Here’s a question for the people who’ve cut “crabs” and energy vampires from their lives: Was there backlash? What response did you get from friends, colleagues and maybe even family who you decided to shut out of your life?
Was it a gradual “break-up” or a quick cut-off?
Human emotions are messy, and no one likes to feel rejected, so how do you create a plan like this in your life without it blowing up in your face? (Please bear with me, I’m a writer and I’m digging into a possible article idea here.)
Thanks for any feedback you have!
Amanda Vogel
activevoice.ca
Thanks for all the comments everyone. Looks like we all have some level of crabs and vampires in ours lives.
The trick is to identify them and limmit your exposure.
Bedros
Bedros…. I loved this article you sent us. When I read it, I immediately went to my significant other….for this is the person in my life that is my crab, hater & vampire of my profession. I am a yoga instructor/personal trainer, and he is always finding ways to burst my bubble and break that happy grin off my face (because I truly LOVE my job and what I do). This article really struck home. Thanks so much for sharing! And, have fun visiting my neck of the woods - for I’m not far from Austin - down here in San Antonio. Enjoy your BBQ Texas style! Hope you have a wonderful trip and a successful workshop.
Sharon
Bedros-
Wow you hit the nail on the head with this one. I am going through what you are talking about at this exact momment in my life. I am making a ton of new and exciting changes that are going to make me successful. Energy is so powerful and sometimes over whelming. I have been making a mental list of people I need to distance myself from. And I am making an even bigger list of positive and successful people I need to be around on a regular basis. Changes are not easy but I know I am finally on the right path:) Thanks for your posts. Keep them coming.
Paul @ 4:45 am
But how do you deal with your own inner vampire. It is very easy to ditch other people, but what about that inner voice that says ‘it can’t be done, it won’t work, etc, etc’.
We cannot be positive and up beat all the time, so how do you regroup and stay focused? I personally face a constant battle with negative people and sometimes my own negative thoughts.
What I have found to be a great help are the blogs of Bedros and Chris McCombs. Their writing is a great inspiration to an Englishman who has to deal with the typical English reserved attitude. You yanks seem to be so upbeat and full of energy, so I thank all of you for showing me a true positive path to self fulfillment.
Respect
Paul
Who you hang out with makes such a big difference on your life. Just take a look around and you will know this.That does not mean they are bad people, just different goals.